Ups and Downs at the Champion News Network

Today is not going well at all. I made the mistake of checking the markets. Not a good time to be living off the interest of a bogus legal settlement from years ago that my bride and I concocted. Kathy is not going to be happy if we do not get to go to Branson at the end of the month. I may have to add another zero on the end of the monthly consulting bill I give the old man. He’s been going blind and probably wouldn’t notice but I am worried that Biver may rat me out. Maybe I can cut him in on the scam. Diersen would be sooooo jealous! LOL!

These patsies I lined up to run against Cross so I could stick them with a high campaign manager fee are turning out to be real weenies. They are resisting my lies and slash and burn strategies. Now I find out they are not even that wealthy. How am I going to milk them dry?? I really need to find a new old wealthy stooge to bamboozle. That cough coming out of Jack's mouth sounds worse than the coughs coming out of camp Proft after a good fuse session. How can I stay relevant?? That silly picture of a kid eating candy isn’t getting the attention I hoped for. Nobody is believing that Cross is to blame for the State’s problems when all the Democrats are in charge. What to do?

I see there is someone running against Representative Kay Hatcher in a Republican primary. He looks like a dunce I may be able to sucker into paying me. God I hope Zahm hasn’t already plucked this pigeon. Kathy can you look up a phone number for Keith Wheeler, sweetie?? If this goes well I promise you the best all you can eat buffet in all of Missouri on our big trip!!!

Overheard @ Champion News World Headquarters

Overheard Champion News World Domination Headquarters

DI: Just sign here. And here. And here. Perfect.

JR: Who's Kathy Santos?

DI: Oh...she's nobody. Let's just keep going.

JR: She's becoming wha? Co-signer on the political account?

DI: Oh, no. These documents are just a formality. That stupid State Board of Elections.

JR: Oh, those guys. We should launch a crusade against them. Post all their salaries in the electronic newspaper.

DI: You mean the web, Jack.

JR: You and your new-fangled inventions. I just want to post the salaries. Wait...what were we talking about?

DI: Oh, nothing Jack. Just head back into the playroom er...shop and work on those "patents".

JR: What's that noise? Sounds like one of those one of those helicopters has been buzzing around the Otto Offices all day. I can't hardly hear a thing.

DI: Helicopters? Oh...sorry. Let me put my arms down. That may have just been me flailing about for relevancy. Was it making that much noise? Anyway, wanted to give you an update on Operation: LeaderDown.

JR: On what?

DI: You know....Operation: LeaderDown. Our plan to topple Tom Cross and take over the ILGOP.

JR: LeaderDown?

DI: Yeah...I know. We needed a code name so Biver and I can talk freely because we didn't want to let Diersen in on this. We mulled Operation: DoubleCross, but we liked that for his nickname. We went through a bunch of iterations. Operation:

SycophantStoogeonSpringfield. Operation: ToadiesTakeDownTom, and others. We even noodled around on Operation: BleedTheOldManDry, but that wasn't subtle enough. We settled on Operation: LeaderDown.

JR: I thought we were on McKenna and his old man.

DI: Nope. We're in July now, Jack. Even months are McKenna. Odd Months are Cross.

JR: Don't forget about the women.

DI: Right, right, right. I keep forgetting to put Judy Baar and Chris Radogno on the schedule. With so many arch-enemies these days, it's hard to figure out. I know Chris has a CPA, degree, right? He's probably good at keeping things straight.

JR: Don't you mention his name. I mean...he couldn't even take down the Milk Dud. And...he can't carry any water on my bill because just about everyone in the Senate thinks he's a jabroni. Anyway....how's the progress on the Cross stuff.

DI: Well....that depends.

JR: (interrupting) For christsakes, Douglas. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousands times. I don't need those things.

DI: No, Jack. Not Depends. I said, "It Depends".

JR: Right then. Depends on what?

DI: Depends on what you consider successful. Unfortunately, Cross has lead the charge to stop a tax increase, the stooge we thought was running against him has written him campaign checks in the past, and .......well...all of a sudden there's actual life in the ILGOP.

WikiPedia

Man...that Wikipedia has a hard registration wall. It took me a while to figure it out, but I finally "gamed" the system. Jack's entry was incomplete, and I just **Had** to do something about it. I had Kathy sign up as "FoxRiverGirl", and I went with ThaddeusB. Pretty clever, huh? I had a teacher named Thaddeus Beathard back in grammar school. He tried to push his liberal idealogy on me, but I'm soooooo getting him back! LOL. ROTL!

I wonder how long it will take for the RINOs to deface the posting.

Ok, Diary. Gotta go. We're having a strategy meeting with the guy who's running against "Double Cross". We gotta figure out a way to spin the fact that he wrote a campaign check to Cross. That's trouble!

Re: Gas-X & Jack

Have to remember to slip in the liquid Gas-X to Jack's iced teas. All those years may have destroyed his sniffer, but his bowels are just fine. In fact, he cleared out the room. That brown-noser Biver stuck around and put up with the stink just to get a little bit 'o face time with Jack. Damn those guys working in the back and their tacos. Jack loves 'em

Nicely played, Biver. Nicely played.